I don't know at what point in my life I became who I am today but I do not regret any part of my journey. Sure, there are things that I wish that hadn't happened but if they hadn't I don't know who would be sitting at this computer today. I somehow understood that love was a more powerful force then hate, then anger. I embraced kindness over being hurtful. I live my life with a grace now that the younger me could never possibly understand. I was a rough teenager, full of pride and spite. As each year came and went, that pride that once ruled every part of me lost its power. In its place, a calmer, gentler me came forward.
My daughter often says to me that I don't stand up for myself, that I let people walk all over me. She's thirteen and just like me when I was her age. Frightening? Of course but I know that in time she will learn just like I did. There are battles that I should fight that I don't, sure, but I weigh the consequences. I follow my heart and understand that those battles aren't always worth fighting. I remember the movie Pay It Forward. Though it's been years since I saw it, I still love the premise, the simple and beautiful premise. Since then, I have tried to practice this simple premise. If someone does you a favor, thank them and pay it forward, never expecting anything in return. I think that was part of my problem back then. I expected something in return.
A couple weeks ago, my boss said the kindest words about me. It truly touched my heart. I wasn't expecting any kind of praise for just doing what I do though I am grateful for his words. I just know that I like helping people. I don't mind hard work, don't mind long hours, don't mind hanging in the background. To me, seeing the smile on people's faces is enough. And when they ask me what they can do for me? I just tell them to do something nice for someone else. This world is full of plenty of people who will do nasty things but I don't have to be one of them. I prefer to pass out flowers for no reason to people because I want to.
A girl I work with who I adore told me the other day that she loved reading the things that I post on Facebook. Her words again were quite touching and I couldn't help but to tear up. I don't know who really reads my stuff and it doesn't matter really if no one reads my words. I will keep writing. I will keep creating. And if it inspires someone out there? Then I've got everything I could possibly want from doing this. The one thing that hasn't changed from being a kid is the love I have for the written (and/or typed) word. All I wanted to do back then was make people happy, to inspire them with some pretty prose that came from my tiny hands. One day I will be published but this will do, too. If I held onto anything from being that proud, stubborn girl, I still have her perseverance. And if one person out there is inspired by my words, that's enough for me to keep going.
No comments:
Post a Comment