Small minds and Trivial Egos

I suppose you could say it was interesting observation on humankind today as I was leaving for work. In general I do find people to be lazy and self serving but I like to give them the benefit of the doubt. I would love for them to prove me wrong and allow me to see the best in them instead of assuming the worst. Generally speaking I keep a good distance away from people on the whole. They do their thing and I go on and do my thing. We live happily beside each other. My parents were kind enough to give me a well rounded education when I was young, enabling me with the capability to learn and to adapt to the world around me. I understood at a very young age that the world was filled with all sorts of different people like a rainbow is full of an array of different colors. I didn't pass judgment. I didn't demand more than what I deserved. I offered a hand when someone was in need. Today, however, a few people's true colors shined. I often excel in the things that I do whether I enjoy the task or not. To me, things are simple as long as you don't complicate them. I have a job that by all means is one of the easiest ones I've ever had and at times the most frustrating. It's not what I'm supposed to be doing but it is what I must do at the moment. I won't deny that I'm good at what I do though it does not challenge me in any sort of way. And apparently because I am good at what I do, I inadvertently make other people who do the same meaningless task as me look bad. Did I intentionally outshine them? Did I cause their reprimand? I think not. I do what I do and that's all there really is to it, simple.

What was so shocking to me yet humorous at the same time was the way that these people reacted once they were talked to. Instead of taking responsibility for their own lack of achievement, they berated me and asked me to stop doing what I was doing. They suggested that I do not do a good job and that I slack off because I was making them look bad. In other words, they were asking me to not be who I am for the sake of making them look better. Pride is a funny thing. When it is hurt, it makes you do funny things including asking someone else to change for your benefit. My response? I laughed and told them no basically. The great thing about being me is that because I was so well educated that I understand that this was this their folly, not my own. The great thing about having self respect is that you can smell someone's own lack of it from miles away. I understood why they were asking me. I understood what they wanted me to do but it wasn't going to happen.

Is their laziness my problem? You can't make a dog shit when it's pouring outside if it doesn't want to. You can't force someone to take responsibility for their own laziness if they have no desire to change it. And you can't demand someone else stop being who they are for your own gain. So, no, I won't take it down a notch or slow down or compromise who I am by any means because who I am will always be something greater than people like that.

For the Moms

Mother's Day is one of the few Halmark holidays that makes sense. Sure, we all go out and buy gifts for our mothers that are sentimental and we say all those things that we should say through out the year. As a mother, I won't lie. I enjoy the gifts and the appreciation and the fuss... but if they took that all away a simple thank you is enough. It is nice to know that your hard work as a mother doesn't go unnoticed. It is nice to know that somewhere in your children's mind and husband/boyfriend's thoughts that they know, too, the things that you sacrifice for them.

I honestly don't think you can appreciate your mother until you are mother yourself. I don't mean that in any offense to those of you out there who don't have children. There is some kind of understanding that happens when you've been up all night with your baby because they are puking or cyring, when you're up all night working on a project for school that you're kid has known about for two weeks but doesn't bother to work on until the night before, when that little face looks up at you and says that she loves you. You understand at that moment why your mother never threw you off a bridge. You realize how big of a love your mother had for you and then you feel horribly guilty for all the hateful things you said to her when your hormones took over your body. There is something about being a mother that makes your own mother all that more amazing to you.

Does my daughter love me? Absolutely. I understand though that she won't truly understand the sacrifices that I've made for her until she's older. She won't understand why I made all those sacrifices until some little monkey calls her mommy, too. I get that. It is perfectly normal.

So today whether you are a mother or not, go give your mom a big hug and let her know how much she really means to you. They did it for you every day when they did your laundry, made your dinner, fixed your bed, kissed your scraped knee... we just didn't know that all those things meant love.

Oberve in silence

I have to say that it was an interesting week. I ran a few experiments if you will. My findings were varied. The experiment was to keep out of bay, to cut off any kind of emotional attachment that I had with my surroundings. How I did this was quite simple. Before I engaged in conversation with others. I asked questions and behaved as if I was shocked by the responses. I gave the impression that how these people lives made an ounce a difference in the way that I lived my own. I allowed their behavior as crazy as it was at moments to effect the way that I acted. So how do you cut this off? The only way I could think of was to not speak. I stopped asking the questions, stopped reacting to the gossip, and quickly switched the subject when there was even a chance that petty, mean conversation was about to take place. And what was my outcome? My silence made people assumed that I was grumpy and/or mad at them. Did I make my point? I don't know. It was necessarily a failure. However I can't say that it was a success.

Here is the real reason I did this. One, I was becoming too stressed out by those surroundings. In my past when a friend became too much of a negative influence in my life, I walked away from them and didn't turn back... or at least didn't come back around until they changed or I was in a better mind state to be there for them. This is a place that I am unable to walk away from at the moment so I needed to find a way to tolerate it. Really though I just didn't like what it was making me. I didn't like the way that I was getting angry all the time or the way that I started to treat other people. At some point I realized that I was becoming just as trivial and ugly as the rest of them. So by cutting off the negative conversations and negative actions that were surrounding me, I have cut off any negative impulses that I might have had.

Did it work? It did, yes. However I alienated some people I suppose but in the end the people that I alienated were making it hard for me to be who I really am. I admit. I may not like people in general but I have no malice towards them. I do not wish anyone harm and would help someone more often than not. Would people do the same for me? They have and they haven't just the same.