Oberve in silence

I have to say that it was an interesting week. I ran a few experiments if you will. My findings were varied. The experiment was to keep out of bay, to cut off any kind of emotional attachment that I had with my surroundings. How I did this was quite simple. Before I engaged in conversation with others. I asked questions and behaved as if I was shocked by the responses. I gave the impression that how these people lives made an ounce a difference in the way that I lived my own. I allowed their behavior as crazy as it was at moments to effect the way that I acted. So how do you cut this off? The only way I could think of was to not speak. I stopped asking the questions, stopped reacting to the gossip, and quickly switched the subject when there was even a chance that petty, mean conversation was about to take place. And what was my outcome? My silence made people assumed that I was grumpy and/or mad at them. Did I make my point? I don't know. It was necessarily a failure. However I can't say that it was a success.

Here is the real reason I did this. One, I was becoming too stressed out by those surroundings. In my past when a friend became too much of a negative influence in my life, I walked away from them and didn't turn back... or at least didn't come back around until they changed or I was in a better mind state to be there for them. This is a place that I am unable to walk away from at the moment so I needed to find a way to tolerate it. Really though I just didn't like what it was making me. I didn't like the way that I was getting angry all the time or the way that I started to treat other people. At some point I realized that I was becoming just as trivial and ugly as the rest of them. So by cutting off the negative conversations and negative actions that were surrounding me, I have cut off any negative impulses that I might have had.

Did it work? It did, yes. However I alienated some people I suppose but in the end the people that I alienated were making it hard for me to be who I really am. I admit. I may not like people in general but I have no malice towards them. I do not wish anyone harm and would help someone more often than not. Would people do the same for me? They have and they haven't just the same.