Jenga

I suppose you could say that I have some revelations of late about what kind of person I am and the kind of person I want to become. I have learned to let the fights that don't need to be fought go and when to stand up and say wait a minute. I can remember in my younger years I fought just about everything that blinked but it was tiresome. Truth be told life kicked the shit out of me a few good times. Yeah I gave up a bit. Now though it seems that the fire that once burned is trying to reignite itself. How do you light your match without burning yourself up? It is a matter of focus. Every day I am surrounded by trivial minds who get upset over the simplest of things. It gets to me at times to a point I would like to turn around and scream obscenities at them but I do not. Instead I try to go to a place in my mind where there is peace and hope. I escape to my imagination, an imagination that I have not let breathe in quite some time. I don't think because we become adults we can't still imagine a better world where everything is possible. It's such a cop out. Because I am older I can no longer imagine what life would be like if I didn't have to pay bills? It is the one basic human right and it helps all of us get through a life less desirable.

Today a friend complained and complained about everyone around her. I asked her a simple question. Do these people really matter? At the end of the day when you go home and live your real life, do what these people say or do determine your happiness? She didn't know what to say so she turned it on me. I merely said that I had no feeling on these people one way or the other because they don't mean anything real to me. I know. It sounds cold. Are we not supposed to care about the people around us? To a point, to a point... I am certainly not going to let someone else's small mind shrink my own nor am I going to allow them to take away the sun that shines inside me. What is important in this life has nothing to do with what kind of job you have or even the opinions that people have you. All you can ever do is be you.

What does that have to do with my new found fire? Nothing and everything. I have allowed myself lately to feel that warmth again. In the process, I have learned to filter out all the things that shouldn't matter including negativity from people such as those. I am an adult, true. I have responsibilities, absolutely.... but I am still that girl with fiery spirit and she needs love, too. Life is a game of balance, a tricky manipulation of good and bad. You just have to learn how to live your life without losing you in the process.